As a teacher of foreign language at the high school level for many years who had students for up to four years straight, I have been forced to witness this sad transformation in our society. Dating barely exists anymore and it’s form and function are warped beyond recognition. Few young people have any understanding of normal dating– as it was intended to be originally. Even if they do have an understanding of what dating is and what it’s supposed to accomplish, they cannot find a like-minded person to date. The young men, particularly white men, are lost when it comes to dating and socialization. So many of them do not have fathers at home to teach them by word or example how to court young ladies. They do not have fathers at home who encourage them with the old familiar saying that there are “other fish in the sea” when they are rejected by a certain young woman and that this is part of a normal elimination process that one goes through to find a willing mate. They, therefore, do not have the confidence and bearing to initiate dating and they do not have the intact self-esteem that they need when their advances are rejected and they are left to deal with disappointment. So we see that having a dad at home is a very important factor in successful dating for our young men. The sad part is that he is often, very often, not there.
I began teaching in the 80s when things were normal but through the years I began to see that male and female relationships were now mutated and weird which coincided with two things. The first, as I mentioned, was the increasing absence of the father from the home and the second was the hypersexualization of courtship. Rather than being based on enjoying conversation and getting to know the personality of the other person, the dating relationship began to be about pure sexual attraction and initiating sexual relations before people even really knew one another. This meant, of course, that the physically attractive began to be more valued and those who were less attractive were cast aside. After all, sexual fantasies are not built on having sex with unattractive people. It seems everyone wants a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise.
When young women have a father at home, they begin to look for someone very much like him. I had a student once who told me that she wanted to marry a balding man because she loved her father and thought he looked adorable that way! Average dads at home mean that average guys have a chance.
If you could see the hopelessness that young men and women feel today, you would feel the same heaviness and sorrow that I do. None of this is their fault. It has been done to them by their parents’ and grandparents’ generations that slowly but surely carved out a truly weird existence for them.
Allow me to add that the term “incel” absolutely infuriates and horrifies me. The term is spoken with such scorn about those who have been captured and driven to despair by a world that has been created for them! These despairing young people who cannot find a mate now must also live their lives knowing that the so-called experts have put them into this very sad category with its own special label. If it were up to me, this word would be stricken from all texts and never be used again. My heart truly hurts for these young people.
I'd like to add that in addition to what you've said above JJ, I believe that both the alienation that older people feel and the social confusion and divided families are all, I believe, engineered. I feel that the American society of the 50's-60's was too strong to conquer for those seeking a Global New World Order. They needed to break families apart, break down the societal bonds that made America such a beacon to the world. This dystopian "great reset" isn't a recent idea. It goes back to the warped dreams of those who launched the Technocracy movements of the early 20th century. Descendants of those early totalitarian bean counters are ramming through the 4th industrial revolution, the climate apocalypse and other UN plots. Bill Gates (Mr Depopulation), Elon Musk, grandson of the a man who was expelled from Canada for trying to over though the government and install a technocracy. The money and the thought that's gone into this great plot to topple America and enable it to be subsumed into the Global Digital Panopticon Prison they are creating. Just watch the movie "Ready Player One", study how the characters live. Alone, connected to this digital realm that is the ultimate pacification system. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but I'm seeing too many coincidences, too many repeating patterns here. I feel it's all connected.
Spot on, GreyState. Funny how the NWO Technate Society (Technocracy Inc) published a map of the "future America" in 1933 that includes Canada, Greenland, Mexico and Central America...as well as Columbia and Venezuela! (Remember how Trumpenstein threatened to invade Venezuela during his first term?). If you Google the map, the best image is of a copy that was recently sold by an antique map dealer.
As a fellow teacher/tutor, JJ, I see a similar thing in the schools I work in. However, on a more positive note, I also notice that the same boys and girls who are so confused about relationships within the school buildings seem to adopt different personas when they are free from the hive-like atmosphere that is the modern educational establishment. I live by the route to the nearest school and often see the same young couples arm-in-arm. There's still hope despite what the psychopaths wish for!
An old girl friend of mine told me "The lack of sex is an inconvenience. The lack of love is a tragedy". My ex-wife and I got back together after being divorced for 22 years. She passed away 6 years ago surrounded by her loving family. My son and grandson live with me in my house and I wouldn't have it any other way. Love is more important than money.
i too thank you for your insight and summary, jj, it was (dare i say it?) DYN-O-MITE !
8^)
i won't get too personal here, but while i generally pay no attention to Utoob personalities, 'social influencers', etc, i stumbled upon this young lady (emily king) who gives GREAT insight into male/female relationships...
i would make her vids required viewing for the -*ahem*- fairer sex...
JJ, that is the most concise laying out of the facts that I have read in a long time. I too hate that slur incel. I don't have much to do with Millenniums and younger. I rejected and have avoided pop-culture since I was aged 20...so they literally speak a language I don't understand. However I do have contact with a few young men in their twenties. I feel for them. Their lives are so difficult. I try to offer advice and support. I try to open their eyes to (((who))) did this to our culture with malice and intent. Also, porn-on-demand plays a part.
On the subject, I want to vent about not being able to avoid hearing airhead young people accents. Pretty much I only hear it on YouTube and podcast ads...but the vocal-fry and up-speak is driving me crazy. Virtually 100% of YouTube ads feature this. Worst of all, women up to their sixties have now adopted this idiotic manner of speech. I have even considered paying for ad-free. I have not done so...so far... because I don't want to financially support Google.
Since my husband was murdered by Covid Protocol I am all alone except for my dog. My friends are dead and I only have “1 way” acquaintances, I call them but they don’t ever call or visit me. My son who lives 3 miles away calls me, if I’m lucky, once every 6 weeks and never visits. My grandkids who live 2-4 miles away never visit and only I texts me Hello every 6-8 weeks which is more than anyone else. I’m never invited to their homes except when they want me to bring presents for the great grand kids birthdays. It was the same way before my husband died. He used to say we’d be fossilized remains before we were discovered dead. It’s a lonely life and a sad state our country is in. I’ll be glad when I’m dead.
Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear that. You seem to have a great attitude in spite of it. I guess it's some solace in knowing your situation is tragically common in this dysfunctional society. Thanks for sharing.
Nancy do you get out for walks? Go for a tea somewhere? I’m afraid families don’t get together like they used to. My son never calls me, but I still call him. I try to send him things he is interested in like funny memes and stuff to make him laugh. Since my mom died only one sister calls now and then out of 5 siblings. I think it just seemed like families got together all the time because we all lived in the same place.. unless you are Italian then it is a law, lol. If you frequent the same walking track or cafe for a while and smile at people I’m sure you will find someone to talk to. We can’t leave it up to family anymore,…….gotta get out there, get a hobby group, a walking group, a book group. My mom was the same with all her kids. We have to create our own lives.
Great advice, Viewpoint. Your point is well made...if you go to the same place every day at the same time, and converse with strangers (one does need to exercise caution and discernment) it can work. One of my closest friends I met on a park bench in 2008, when we struck up a conversation about hiking. This led to many wonderful hiking trips. We even made it to the top of Mt. St. Helens...which I never would have done without him.
Viewpoint, I can relate. I have no contact with my four siblings. We separated decades ago over religion and me being a "conspiracy theorist". They have all taken the Jonestown jab, which killed both of my parents (2022 and 2023) and an aunt (2022). All of my first-generation friends (friends I made before age 40) are dead. However I've made some close friends in the last 20 years. If one hopes to be, (and really works at) aging healthily ...and one does not want to be isolated (not necessarily a bad thing, imho) one absolutely has to learn to make new friends. If not, you will outlive all of your connections.
🩷Don’t say that Nancy. I bet you could make a difference in another lonely person’s life. Did you ever see the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? When I visit my dad in his Independent Living community I enjoy visiting with all the folks there. It’s actually a very happy, vibrant place where I know he is safe. Now an assisted living or full on nursing home may be another story.
Pascal said that we all die alone. We often live alone too. A lot of loneliness is simply part of the human condition. We can be lonely in the midst of a crowd or within our own families.
I love this article. This is a problem I’ve been dealing with my whole life (27) I think, (or at least since 6th grade) I’m saving this to read again.
I decided shortly after you released this article to join a church and attend an orthodox and a nondenominational as you mentioned. My goal is to learn more about the Bible and Christianity and to make some friendships I hope. I’ve met a awesome family with a 7th kid on the way. Love them so much. 😅
I know everyone feels this loneliness - men and woman - so i want to make it a goal to try and create friendships with both. With women it’s pretty hard because anytime you try and make eye contact with a girl or woman or even converse there’s the sense they “need to get away he just wants sex.”
It's great that you found this, Gregory. Tim Kelly and I have done many interviews over the year- he's an important voice in alternative media. I hear from so many young people like you. It's shocking how much things have changed since I was your age. I'm glad you found a nice family, and wish you the very best. Thanks!
Gregory: When I was your age I was already married and had a three-year-old and infant as children. I've found that women care more about the bulge in your back pocket of your pants vs. the bulge in the front of them.
DJ: I've been alone most of my life. I guess I've gotten used to it. Alexander Selkirk (the original Robinson Crusoe) said that the two plus years he spent alone on that island off of the coast of Chile were the best years of his life.
Family is drama. I avoid family nowadays which is easy to do as all of them live over 1,000 miles away.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love a pint with family and friends in the old days. But those days are gone. The Covid Cult Con Crap killed all of that.
And forget air travel nowadays. Fuck the TSA!
I have my wife but that's it. We rattle around the house together. When one of us goes the other will follow.
A lovely and sobering analysis. Yes, for all the hoopla about everyone having fun that the media portrays, loneliness and its concomitant companion, depression, are the hallmarks of our age. I live in Switzerland and things are pretty similar, especially as the proportion of our population that is old is probably growing faster than in the US. We recently looked after my wife's father until he died. I was horrified at people's reactions when we kept him as long as possible in his own apartment and spent a massive amount of time with him to keep loneliness at bay. For most people around us, this was insanity and masochism. Much better to dump him in an old folks' home and be done with it! I wonder if those same people will change their minds when they suddenly find themselves old and alone?
It is a sad, sad reality. I'm an introvert and see the danger of fully embracing my "alone time" too eagerly in a world that is now heavily tilted against regular social engagement. The risks of real loneliness, even for those who generally enjoy a quiet life, are much higher now. As with most issues that plague us, the spiritual demise of our culture, with its increasingly impoverished values, is at the center. I enjoy your articles--they express the reality of our human experience (both good and bad) in a broken world.
Just stumbled on your post - thank you. There are a lot of older people who are alone because they have inflicted unimaginable cruelty on their offspring. Said offspring get up and walk away saying 'no more.' The older people can often be found moaning on forums about how their 'children never visit them' without a whiff of self-examination.
I am not talking politics or 'covid differences' here but incredible family brutality where one is forced to get up and walk away to preserve one's life and sanity.
I understand what you're saying, Excess. Parents abusing or neglecting their children is part of the unfortunate dysfunctional family dynamic in America. Undoubtedly, some of those lonely oldsters fall into this category. I've known some myself. But most of them don't. And not all the lonely are elderly. Some had no siblings, whose parents won't help them for various reasons related to dysfunction, or their parents are dead. They don't have family that will be there for them. Some are ostracized from their siblings, again for typically modern reasons, which are often incomprehensible to outsiders. Thanks.
It would be great if churches could start acting like they did when Christianity first began. No social clout or political power. But by caring for the sick, feeding the hungry, and visiting the lonely they turned the world upside down.
I completely agree with the thesis of this essay: that loneliness is epidemic. I'd further add that American culture grows more toxic every time I visit. I've lived in China for basically my entire adult life after graduating college. I'm not going to tell you that China is perfect. It's manifestly not. But the family culture here persists more than in the US. Actually I think the CPC has every intention of doing what was done to the American family, but they got started later and aren't as far around the curve as we are in America. The extent of waste in the US is galling to me, when I consider how many people would be better off mentally and physically if they lived more communally, one example of which would be including a few lonely, poor old folks in their spare bedrooms.
I did have one bone of contention with your piece though. You seem to blame the young generation for giving up on their elders; at least that was my read. As a younger person (40), I must protest that the elders gave up on our generation first. They moved away from their families to places where they had no roots, to suburbs mostly, and raised us in the morass of contemporary American culture, which is toxically individualist. Then they threw us out and told us to just figure it out on our own. Then all of a sudden they get old and freak out, "oh shit, where are my kids? Why aren't they here to help me in my declining years?" Because you weren't there for us when we needed you! When I was home on my last trip, my mother literally told me, "I don't believe in intergenerational wealth" shortly before complaining that I don't live anywhere near her as she ages. I've translated that phrase to Chinese people, and they are all stunned. While my mom is probably rare in actually articulating such an abhorrent attitude, I'm sure that's what a large percentage of her generation secretly thinks. I believe deeply in intergenerational wealth, which is why I work my ass off, so I can hopefully set up my three kids for success. I sure as hell won't be tossing them out of the house and expecting them to just figure it out on their own.
So my point is that the Boomers lost their minds first. Some of us have struggled for decades parsing through the horrible values we were taught as kids, trying to figure out why we were miserable despite doing everything "right," and having ultimately to utterly reject the entire worldviews of the Boomer generation. Yes, it sucks that many of them will languish in old folks homes paying $7000 / month (as my aunt just did for years on end, despite having multiple children living right in the same city with her), completely annihilating the wealth they accumulated during their working lives. But this is their generation's vision of what is good and proper! And as someone else noted, this is probably the result of intentional social engineering, and it sucks that they succumbed, but succumb they did, like innocents to werewolf bites, and there's not much people in my generation can do but remain distant and struggle to create a better future for our kids. If the old folks don't believe in intergenerational wealth, then they'd better believe in dying surrounded by strangers in white coats!
And look: I know the American culture I grew up in wasn't the same for everyone. But I'd bet good money there's a critical mass in my generation who feel the way I do. I don't think it's possible to salvage that culture, and frankly I don't see a reason to want to. I'm looking forward to it dying off when the currency collapses and starting something better in the ashes.
Evan, I really appreciate your very thoughtful comment. It means all the more because it comes from someone much younger, who is observing the situation from another country. No, I certainly didn't mean to convey the message that the loneliness phenomenon is all the fault of ungrateful children. Too many Boomers didn't care for their elderly parents, either. And as I mentioned in the article, this cuts both ways. I know several lonely adults whose parents (and siblings) have inexplicably rejected them. One of them was living in a tent in the woods for a while. None of them cared enough to offer a helping hand.
But the way we treat the elderly in America is a big part of the problem. And it's been a problem for a very long time. It didn't begin with the aging Boomers. You're right- it probably isn't possible to save this crumbling culture at this point. Again, I really appreciate you sharing your astute analysis of the situation. Thanks!
Evan, that was fantastic. All the boomers I grew up with are dead now, but they left a passle of really messed-up kids. My contemporaries just bought into everything the NWO sold them...without question. I think the off-the-chart entitlement we see today, began with us Boomers.
To your point...a man I knew with eight boomer/Gen-X kids died alone in a nursing home. He did manage to improve his life condition to where he owned a home on acreage. Because none of the kids were willing to care for him, the state took his home so he could get care until he died. It is unbelievable to me that they were willing to let that property go...even if they didn't care about their dad.
Very revealing (and sad) anecdote, Kris. The anti-family propaganda has been so strong for decades that adult children even forego the chance at wealth in order to put their parents in one one of these horrible places. Thanks.
Yes, Donald...and this is a Hispanic family. The parents (wife died first) were illegals who got papers under Reagan's amnesty. It took a lot for them to become home owners. So much for the "American Dream". Their American born children adopted the worst of American "values" (instant gratification and entitlement-with no self-discipline or delayed gratification). The property was in a location that later became very desirable. It would have become a gold mine.
This might be, as a human being, an elder, a mother and lifetime caregiver living alone; the best thing I have EVER read. It so defines the very essence of humanity, seemingly forgotten. The only redemption is that everyone who lives will face this dilemma at the end of their life and the very time when they need love and a hug. It is utterly heartbreaking.
Bravo, Mr. Jeffries! This agenda to maximize loneliness is a facet of the classic "divide and conquer" strategy that the ruling sociopaths use to control us. They are succeeding and must be stopped. Thank you for your efforts to expose this disease.
"Polls tell us that 27 percent of Americans aged 60 or older live by themselves, more than anywhere else in the world."
It may not be because of some failure or flaw, but simply because we can afford to. Old people like quiet and enjoy solitude as much as socializing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Good point. My sister is one of those- wants to be alone. But I was talking about the untold numbers of older people who are left involuntarily alone, who would love to have some kind of companionship. Thanks.
As a teacher of foreign language at the high school level for many years who had students for up to four years straight, I have been forced to witness this sad transformation in our society. Dating barely exists anymore and it’s form and function are warped beyond recognition. Few young people have any understanding of normal dating– as it was intended to be originally. Even if they do have an understanding of what dating is and what it’s supposed to accomplish, they cannot find a like-minded person to date. The young men, particularly white men, are lost when it comes to dating and socialization. So many of them do not have fathers at home to teach them by word or example how to court young ladies. They do not have fathers at home who encourage them with the old familiar saying that there are “other fish in the sea” when they are rejected by a certain young woman and that this is part of a normal elimination process that one goes through to find a willing mate. They, therefore, do not have the confidence and bearing to initiate dating and they do not have the intact self-esteem that they need when their advances are rejected and they are left to deal with disappointment. So we see that having a dad at home is a very important factor in successful dating for our young men. The sad part is that he is often, very often, not there.
I began teaching in the 80s when things were normal but through the years I began to see that male and female relationships were now mutated and weird which coincided with two things. The first, as I mentioned, was the increasing absence of the father from the home and the second was the hypersexualization of courtship. Rather than being based on enjoying conversation and getting to know the personality of the other person, the dating relationship began to be about pure sexual attraction and initiating sexual relations before people even really knew one another. This meant, of course, that the physically attractive began to be more valued and those who were less attractive were cast aside. After all, sexual fantasies are not built on having sex with unattractive people. It seems everyone wants a Brad Pitt or a Tom Cruise.
When young women have a father at home, they begin to look for someone very much like him. I had a student once who told me that she wanted to marry a balding man because she loved her father and thought he looked adorable that way! Average dads at home mean that average guys have a chance.
If you could see the hopelessness that young men and women feel today, you would feel the same heaviness and sorrow that I do. None of this is their fault. It has been done to them by their parents’ and grandparents’ generations that slowly but surely carved out a truly weird existence for them.
Allow me to add that the term “incel” absolutely infuriates and horrifies me. The term is spoken with such scorn about those who have been captured and driven to despair by a world that has been created for them! These despairing young people who cannot find a mate now must also live their lives knowing that the so-called experts have put them into this very sad category with its own special label. If it were up to me, this word would be stricken from all texts and never be used again. My heart truly hurts for these young people.
This is a beautifully written comment that I hope everyone reads, JJ. Insightful and very much appreciated. Thanks!
I'd like to add that in addition to what you've said above JJ, I believe that both the alienation that older people feel and the social confusion and divided families are all, I believe, engineered. I feel that the American society of the 50's-60's was too strong to conquer for those seeking a Global New World Order. They needed to break families apart, break down the societal bonds that made America such a beacon to the world. This dystopian "great reset" isn't a recent idea. It goes back to the warped dreams of those who launched the Technocracy movements of the early 20th century. Descendants of those early totalitarian bean counters are ramming through the 4th industrial revolution, the climate apocalypse and other UN plots. Bill Gates (Mr Depopulation), Elon Musk, grandson of the a man who was expelled from Canada for trying to over though the government and install a technocracy. The money and the thought that's gone into this great plot to topple America and enable it to be subsumed into the Global Digital Panopticon Prison they are creating. Just watch the movie "Ready Player One", study how the characters live. Alone, connected to this digital realm that is the ultimate pacification system. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but I'm seeing too many coincidences, too many repeating patterns here. I feel it's all connected.
Spot on, GreyState. Funny how the NWO Technate Society (Technocracy Inc) published a map of the "future America" in 1933 that includes Canada, Greenland, Mexico and Central America...as well as Columbia and Venezuela! (Remember how Trumpenstein threatened to invade Venezuela during his first term?). If you Google the map, the best image is of a copy that was recently sold by an antique map dealer.
As a fellow teacher/tutor, JJ, I see a similar thing in the schools I work in. However, on a more positive note, I also notice that the same boys and girls who are so confused about relationships within the school buildings seem to adopt different personas when they are free from the hive-like atmosphere that is the modern educational establishment. I live by the route to the nearest school and often see the same young couples arm-in-arm. There's still hope despite what the psychopaths wish for!
Steghorn21: Young hormones are stronger than granite.
An old girl friend of mine told me "The lack of sex is an inconvenience. The lack of love is a tragedy". My ex-wife and I got back together after being divorced for 22 years. She passed away 6 years ago surrounded by her loving family. My son and grandson live with me in my house and I wouldn't have it any other way. Love is more important than money.
i too thank you for your insight and summary, jj, it was (dare i say it?) DYN-O-MITE !
8^)
i won't get too personal here, but while i generally pay no attention to Utoob personalities, 'social influencers', etc, i stumbled upon this young lady (emily king) who gives GREAT insight into male/female relationships...
i would make her vids required viewing for the -*ahem*- fairer sex...
.
my appreciation of her :
.
social influencers not my style
a few clever ones do make me smile
but one i think has some sharp insights
could avoid a lot of couple’s fights
.
makes good points on battle of sexes
if we listened there’d be less exes
her name is emily w king
relationship wisdom she does bring
.
she thinks women take men for granted
and their social contract is slanted
she talks of how much men sacrifice
to try and make their mate’s life be nice
.
shows clips how good men unfairly scorned
relationship killer as she’s warned
for her good sense and insight that’s keen
this king is my relationship queen
.
The Worlds Most Dangerous Poet
I will have to look her up, art. Might be a good guest for my podcast. Thanks!
uh oh...
he's a pod person !
that's barely a step above instaho in the online lifeform hierarchy !
just a couple webcams away from starting an OnlyFans account...
shake that moneymaker !
8^)
JJ, that is the most concise laying out of the facts that I have read in a long time. I too hate that slur incel. I don't have much to do with Millenniums and younger. I rejected and have avoided pop-culture since I was aged 20...so they literally speak a language I don't understand. However I do have contact with a few young men in their twenties. I feel for them. Their lives are so difficult. I try to offer advice and support. I try to open their eyes to (((who))) did this to our culture with malice and intent. Also, porn-on-demand plays a part.
On the subject, I want to vent about not being able to avoid hearing airhead young people accents. Pretty much I only hear it on YouTube and podcast ads...but the vocal-fry and up-speak is driving me crazy. Virtually 100% of YouTube ads feature this. Worst of all, women up to their sixties have now adopted this idiotic manner of speech. I have even considered paying for ad-free. I have not done so...so far... because I don't want to financially support Google.
The love of many will grow cold as wickedness abounds.
Since my husband was murdered by Covid Protocol I am all alone except for my dog. My friends are dead and I only have “1 way” acquaintances, I call them but they don’t ever call or visit me. My son who lives 3 miles away calls me, if I’m lucky, once every 6 weeks and never visits. My grandkids who live 2-4 miles away never visit and only I texts me Hello every 6-8 weeks which is more than anyone else. I’m never invited to their homes except when they want me to bring presents for the great grand kids birthdays. It was the same way before my husband died. He used to say we’d be fossilized remains before we were discovered dead. It’s a lonely life and a sad state our country is in. I’ll be glad when I’m dead.
Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear that. You seem to have a great attitude in spite of it. I guess it's some solace in knowing your situation is tragically common in this dysfunctional society. Thanks for sharing.
Nancy do you get out for walks? Go for a tea somewhere? I’m afraid families don’t get together like they used to. My son never calls me, but I still call him. I try to send him things he is interested in like funny memes and stuff to make him laugh. Since my mom died only one sister calls now and then out of 5 siblings. I think it just seemed like families got together all the time because we all lived in the same place.. unless you are Italian then it is a law, lol. If you frequent the same walking track or cafe for a while and smile at people I’m sure you will find someone to talk to. We can’t leave it up to family anymore,…….gotta get out there, get a hobby group, a walking group, a book group. My mom was the same with all her kids. We have to create our own lives.
Great advice, Viewpoint. Your point is well made...if you go to the same place every day at the same time, and converse with strangers (one does need to exercise caution and discernment) it can work. One of my closest friends I met on a park bench in 2008, when we struck up a conversation about hiking. This led to many wonderful hiking trips. We even made it to the top of Mt. St. Helens...which I never would have done without him.
Viewpoint, I can relate. I have no contact with my four siblings. We separated decades ago over religion and me being a "conspiracy theorist". They have all taken the Jonestown jab, which killed both of my parents (2022 and 2023) and an aunt (2022). All of my first-generation friends (friends I made before age 40) are dead. However I've made some close friends in the last 20 years. If one hopes to be, (and really works at) aging healthily ...and one does not want to be isolated (not necessarily a bad thing, imho) one absolutely has to learn to make new friends. If not, you will outlive all of your connections.
Hugs.
Thank you
🩷Don’t say that Nancy. I bet you could make a difference in another lonely person’s life. Did you ever see the movie Fried Green Tomatoes? When I visit my dad in his Independent Living community I enjoy visiting with all the folks there. It’s actually a very happy, vibrant place where I know he is safe. Now an assisted living or full on nursing home may be another story.
Pascal said that we all die alone. We often live alone too. A lot of loneliness is simply part of the human condition. We can be lonely in the midst of a crowd or within our own families.
Our interesting times is how I got here.
I love this article. This is a problem I’ve been dealing with my whole life (27) I think, (or at least since 6th grade) I’m saving this to read again.
I decided shortly after you released this article to join a church and attend an orthodox and a nondenominational as you mentioned. My goal is to learn more about the Bible and Christianity and to make some friendships I hope. I’ve met a awesome family with a 7th kid on the way. Love them so much. 😅
I know everyone feels this loneliness - men and woman - so i want to make it a goal to try and create friendships with both. With women it’s pretty hard because anytime you try and make eye contact with a girl or woman or even converse there’s the sense they “need to get away he just wants sex.”
It's great that you found this, Gregory. Tim Kelly and I have done many interviews over the year- he's an important voice in alternative media. I hear from so many young people like you. It's shocking how much things have changed since I was your age. I'm glad you found a nice family, and wish you the very best. Thanks!
Gregory: When I was your age I was already married and had a three-year-old and infant as children. I've found that women care more about the bulge in your back pocket of your pants vs. the bulge in the front of them.
I wish you luck and happiness.
As always insightful and thought provoking! Thank you
DJ: I've been alone most of my life. I guess I've gotten used to it. Alexander Selkirk (the original Robinson Crusoe) said that the two plus years he spent alone on that island off of the coast of Chile were the best years of his life.
Family is drama. I avoid family nowadays which is easy to do as all of them live over 1,000 miles away.
Don't get me wrong. I used to love a pint with family and friends in the old days. But those days are gone. The Covid Cult Con Crap killed all of that.
And forget air travel nowadays. Fuck the TSA!
I have my wife but that's it. We rattle around the house together. When one of us goes the other will follow.
No regrets.
A lovely and sobering analysis. Yes, for all the hoopla about everyone having fun that the media portrays, loneliness and its concomitant companion, depression, are the hallmarks of our age. I live in Switzerland and things are pretty similar, especially as the proportion of our population that is old is probably growing faster than in the US. We recently looked after my wife's father until he died. I was horrified at people's reactions when we kept him as long as possible in his own apartment and spent a massive amount of time with him to keep loneliness at bay. For most people around us, this was insanity and masochism. Much better to dump him in an old folks' home and be done with it! I wonder if those same people will change their minds when they suddenly find themselves old and alone?
Thanks, Steghorn21!
I once had two fine siblings
but we are now estranged
threw their lot in with quislings
when this world was rearranged
ceded thinking to others
went along with false leaders
forgot lessons of mother's
trusted liars and cheaters
did a fuckton of research
found wrong on many levels
but lambs prayed in a fell church
led to slaughter by devils
perhaps I'm lacking some charm
but I only mean the best
tried to warn loved ones of harm
but rejected as a pest
no matter my entreaties
logic fell upon deaf ears
trusted quacks like deities
I'm shunned when I voice my fears
their very blood is broken
their DNA has been changed
result of being woken
by elites who are deranged
I guess I'm a bad brother
my aspie self is lacking
they've made it clear they'd druther
not hear small truths I'm flacking
cry slow motion holocaust
kill the world one at a time
now lament family lost
unfair sentence for my crime
The World's Most Dangerous Poet
I hope you know how many others are in similar situations, art. Thanks for sharing your poem.
It is a sad, sad reality. I'm an introvert and see the danger of fully embracing my "alone time" too eagerly in a world that is now heavily tilted against regular social engagement. The risks of real loneliness, even for those who generally enjoy a quiet life, are much higher now. As with most issues that plague us, the spiritual demise of our culture, with its increasingly impoverished values, is at the center. I enjoy your articles--they express the reality of our human experience (both good and bad) in a broken world.
Thanks, RT!
Just stumbled on your post - thank you. There are a lot of older people who are alone because they have inflicted unimaginable cruelty on their offspring. Said offspring get up and walk away saying 'no more.' The older people can often be found moaning on forums about how their 'children never visit them' without a whiff of self-examination.
I am not talking politics or 'covid differences' here but incredible family brutality where one is forced to get up and walk away to preserve one's life and sanity.
Not every 'sweet old person alone' is a saint.
I understand what you're saying, Excess. Parents abusing or neglecting their children is part of the unfortunate dysfunctional family dynamic in America. Undoubtedly, some of those lonely oldsters fall into this category. I've known some myself. But most of them don't. And not all the lonely are elderly. Some had no siblings, whose parents won't help them for various reasons related to dysfunction, or their parents are dead. They don't have family that will be there for them. Some are ostracized from their siblings, again for typically modern reasons, which are often incomprehensible to outsiders. Thanks.
It would be great if churches could start acting like they did when Christianity first began. No social clout or political power. But by caring for the sick, feeding the hungry, and visiting the lonely they turned the world upside down.
I completely agree with the thesis of this essay: that loneliness is epidemic. I'd further add that American culture grows more toxic every time I visit. I've lived in China for basically my entire adult life after graduating college. I'm not going to tell you that China is perfect. It's manifestly not. But the family culture here persists more than in the US. Actually I think the CPC has every intention of doing what was done to the American family, but they got started later and aren't as far around the curve as we are in America. The extent of waste in the US is galling to me, when I consider how many people would be better off mentally and physically if they lived more communally, one example of which would be including a few lonely, poor old folks in their spare bedrooms.
I did have one bone of contention with your piece though. You seem to blame the young generation for giving up on their elders; at least that was my read. As a younger person (40), I must protest that the elders gave up on our generation first. They moved away from their families to places where they had no roots, to suburbs mostly, and raised us in the morass of contemporary American culture, which is toxically individualist. Then they threw us out and told us to just figure it out on our own. Then all of a sudden they get old and freak out, "oh shit, where are my kids? Why aren't they here to help me in my declining years?" Because you weren't there for us when we needed you! When I was home on my last trip, my mother literally told me, "I don't believe in intergenerational wealth" shortly before complaining that I don't live anywhere near her as she ages. I've translated that phrase to Chinese people, and they are all stunned. While my mom is probably rare in actually articulating such an abhorrent attitude, I'm sure that's what a large percentage of her generation secretly thinks. I believe deeply in intergenerational wealth, which is why I work my ass off, so I can hopefully set up my three kids for success. I sure as hell won't be tossing them out of the house and expecting them to just figure it out on their own.
So my point is that the Boomers lost their minds first. Some of us have struggled for decades parsing through the horrible values we were taught as kids, trying to figure out why we were miserable despite doing everything "right," and having ultimately to utterly reject the entire worldviews of the Boomer generation. Yes, it sucks that many of them will languish in old folks homes paying $7000 / month (as my aunt just did for years on end, despite having multiple children living right in the same city with her), completely annihilating the wealth they accumulated during their working lives. But this is their generation's vision of what is good and proper! And as someone else noted, this is probably the result of intentional social engineering, and it sucks that they succumbed, but succumb they did, like innocents to werewolf bites, and there's not much people in my generation can do but remain distant and struggle to create a better future for our kids. If the old folks don't believe in intergenerational wealth, then they'd better believe in dying surrounded by strangers in white coats!
And look: I know the American culture I grew up in wasn't the same for everyone. But I'd bet good money there's a critical mass in my generation who feel the way I do. I don't think it's possible to salvage that culture, and frankly I don't see a reason to want to. I'm looking forward to it dying off when the currency collapses and starting something better in the ashes.
Evan, I really appreciate your very thoughtful comment. It means all the more because it comes from someone much younger, who is observing the situation from another country. No, I certainly didn't mean to convey the message that the loneliness phenomenon is all the fault of ungrateful children. Too many Boomers didn't care for their elderly parents, either. And as I mentioned in the article, this cuts both ways. I know several lonely adults whose parents (and siblings) have inexplicably rejected them. One of them was living in a tent in the woods for a while. None of them cared enough to offer a helping hand.
But the way we treat the elderly in America is a big part of the problem. And it's been a problem for a very long time. It didn't begin with the aging Boomers. You're right- it probably isn't possible to save this crumbling culture at this point. Again, I really appreciate you sharing your astute analysis of the situation. Thanks!
Evan, that was fantastic. All the boomers I grew up with are dead now, but they left a passle of really messed-up kids. My contemporaries just bought into everything the NWO sold them...without question. I think the off-the-chart entitlement we see today, began with us Boomers.
To your point...a man I knew with eight boomer/Gen-X kids died alone in a nursing home. He did manage to improve his life condition to where he owned a home on acreage. Because none of the kids were willing to care for him, the state took his home so he could get care until he died. It is unbelievable to me that they were willing to let that property go...even if they didn't care about their dad.
Very revealing (and sad) anecdote, Kris. The anti-family propaganda has been so strong for decades that adult children even forego the chance at wealth in order to put their parents in one one of these horrible places. Thanks.
Yes, Donald...and this is a Hispanic family. The parents (wife died first) were illegals who got papers under Reagan's amnesty. It took a lot for them to become home owners. So much for the "American Dream". Their American born children adopted the worst of American "values" (instant gratification and entitlement-with no self-discipline or delayed gratification). The property was in a location that later became very desirable. It would have become a gold mine.
This might be, as a human being, an elder, a mother and lifetime caregiver living alone; the best thing I have EVER read. It so defines the very essence of humanity, seemingly forgotten. The only redemption is that everyone who lives will face this dilemma at the end of their life and the very time when they need love and a hug. It is utterly heartbreaking.
I can't tell you how much it means to hear such kind words, Vicki. I think it's one of my best, too, which is why I have it pinned. Thank you!
Bravo, Mr. Jeffries! This agenda to maximize loneliness is a facet of the classic "divide and conquer" strategy that the ruling sociopaths use to control us. They are succeeding and must be stopped. Thank you for your efforts to expose this disease.
I appreciate that, Chico. It is a growing epidemic that is not being addressed. Thanks!
"Polls tell us that 27 percent of Americans aged 60 or older live by themselves, more than anywhere else in the world."
It may not be because of some failure or flaw, but simply because we can afford to. Old people like quiet and enjoy solitude as much as socializing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Good point. My sister is one of those- wants to be alone. But I was talking about the untold numbers of older people who are left involuntarily alone, who would love to have some kind of companionship. Thanks.